December 2024 • Bitches Get Riches

Well here we are, fam. The 2024 presidential election has happened and the outcome was not great.

We took some time to be angry. To be scared. To grieve. We checked in on our community and practiced some highly necessary self-care. Then we spent several cathartic hours scrolling through r/LeopardsAteMyFace. We hope you did too.

Now we’re ready for the next step. For we have chosen to stay and fight. Part of that means embracing our calling as your beloved yet humble Bitches—your opinionated internet aunties—by sharing ideas on how we can prepare to weather the coming storm.

It might not be much of a storm! Could be anywhere from a little light rain to a Category 5 hurricane. But it’s our belief that you should prepare for the worst in such a way that even in the best case scenario, you’ll still end up better off.

This guide includes some instructions specific to a second Trump administration (three words I gag even writing). But some of it is just good practice no matter what happens.

What are we preparing for?

The Trump administration—including his billionaire buddies, cartoonishly villainous advisors, and all the grifters and sycophants in between—has all kinds of goals. Part of this plan is Project 2025, a policy wishlist funded by the Heritage Foundation and written by 140 former (and in some cases, future) Trump staffers (among others). Think of the Heritage Foundation as a real-life, conservative “deep state” with even deeper pockets, helmed by all the extremist nutjobs driving the Right Wing’s most regressive ideas since the Reagan administration.

There’s a lot of cooks in this oppressive kitchen. So for the purposes of this guide, we’re going to use “Project 2025” as an umbrella term for the policy agenda of the Trump administration and broader conservative party.

Change will not come at a consistent pace. We won’t enter The Darkest Timeline overnight, or maybe even at all! And there’s not even a guarantee that all the worst aspects of Project 2025 will come to pass. With any luck, this corrupt administration of toadies, conspiracy theorists, and inept, entitled conmen will get in its own way enough that they make zero progress towards their nightmarish goals!

But we can’t bank on that. Which is why we recommend the following steps before they start checking off items on the Project 2025 to-do list. Shoot for the moon of Suckitude! Even if we don’t reach it, you’ll land lightly among the stars of Things Are Slightly Worse Now.

It’s finally time to talk about Anti-Goblin Mode: my secret holy grail technique for conquering executive dysfunction in my home, my work, and my life in general.

I’ve never written about it before. It seemed too personal and too silly to share. But since I discovered it, I’ve used it nearly every day of my life—and the transformation has been permanent and incredible. And as our patrons demanded an article on becoming organized, its time has come!

One of the best pieces of general life advice I’ve ever received is this: never ask a natural talent to be your teacher. If they came out of the womb composing piano sonatas, don’t ask them to teach you piano! They literally don’t understand the experience of not knowing what they know! This holds true in organization, too. I find that most “organizational systems” were written by people with a natural talent for organization. Y’know—monsters who can keep a white rug clean. Their advice shouldn’t be trusted. Instead, the best teachers are people who struggled and persevered in the face of mediocrity.

On this point, I’m happy to attest that neither nature nor nurture set me up to be an organized person. I grew up the undiagnosed ADHD child of an undiagnosed ADHD parent who was also a hoarder! That means I’ve earned my organized life valiantly, on the battlefield.

So how? How did I become an organized person? I’m happy to tell you it’s not rigid, or complicated, or super philosophical, or time-consuming. I developed a game to help me do it. It’s very simple, but it’s transformed my life for the better. And I hope it might help you too.

Month: December 2024

Anti-Goblin Mode: The Game I Play Every Day to Reprogram My Disorganized Brain