Anti-Goblin Mode: The Game I Play Every Day to Reprogram My Disorganized Brain

Anti-Goblin Mode: The Game I Play Every Day to Reprogram My Disorganized Brain

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 9 Comments

It’s finally time to talk about Anti-Goblin Mode: my secret holy grail technique for conquering executive dysfunction in my home, my work, and my life in general.

I’ve never written about it before. It seemed too personal and too silly to share. But since I discovered it, I’ve used it nearly every day of my life—and the transformation has been permanent and incredible. And as our patrons demanded an article on becoming organized, its time has come!

One of the best pieces of general life advice I’ve ever received is this: never ask a natural talent to be your teacher. If they came out of the womb composing piano sonatas, don’t ask them to teach you piano! They literally don’t understand the experience of not knowing what they know! This holds true in organization, too. I find that most “organizational systems” were written by people with a natural talent for organization. Y’know—monsters who can keep a white rug clean. Their advice shouldn’t be trusted. Instead, the best teachers are people who struggled and persevered in the face of mediocrity.

On this point, I’m happy to attest that neither nature nor nurture set me up to be an organized person. I grew up the undiagnosed ADHD child of an undiagnosed ADHD parent who was also a hoarder! That means I’ve earned my organized life valiantly, on the battlefield.

So how? How did I become an organized person? I’m happy to tell you it’s not rigid, or complicated, or super philosophical, or time-consuming. I developed a game to help me do it. It’s very simple, but it’s transformed my life for the better. And I hope it might help you too.

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The Disturbing and Hypocritical World of Tradwives

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 6 Comments

Tradwives. Who are they? Where did they come from? What do they want?

To answer these questions and more, we’re going to dive deep into the bowels of anti-feminist history. Starting with a woman named Phyllis Schlafly.

She was the absolute fucking worst.

Schlafly dedicated her entire life and career to thwarting the causes of feminism. She advocated for women to give up careers and their places in society in favor of staying home, having babies, and nurturing their husbands and homes. She successfully campaigned against the Equal Rights Amendment (which is still not ratified as the law of the land to this day), headed a grassroots movement to convince women that equal rights were not only unattainable but undesirable, stood firmly against gay rights, and loved the idea of a white supremacist theocracy even more than she loved the sound of her own goddamn voice. Schlafly was staunchly anti-abortion, anti-contraception, anti-divorce, and anti-fun in all its forms.

Fortunately, she died in 2016.

Literally me upon the death of ur-tradwife Phyllis Schlafly.

But the infuriating legacy of Schlafly lives on. For while she was yammering on about uppity women knowing their place, this anti-feminist Babadook was decidedly not in her supposed place.

(Actually, this is an insult to the Babadook, who The Kids™ tell me is a bisexual icon and therefore someone to be celebrated and not denigrated. My apologies, dear sweet Babadook. It won’t happen again.)

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Kara Perez’s Debut Book “Green Money”: How To Use Your Money To Save the Planet

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 4 Comments

Today we have a very special interview for Bitch Nation. Recently I sat down with the inimitable (and individual!) Kara Perez, author of the upcoming book Green Money: How to Reduce Waste, Build Wealth, and Create a Better Future for All.

Now, I don’t say this lightly, but… this book is giving me hope.

Green Money “shares a vision of how you can break free from outdated financial advice and live a fulfilling life that values community, sustainability, and financial well-being. Filled with real-world anecdotes, cutting-edge research, and hands-on money exercises, this book equips you with the tools needed to take immediate action towards a brighter, greener future.” Essentially, this is your guide to putting your money where your climate is—making financial choices to support a greener, more environmentally sustainable future.

For those of you squinting skeptically right now, I know what you’re thinking. But this is not another well-meaning finance guru offering individual solutions to systemic problems. Rather, Kara approaches the topic with the spirit of a community organizer and activist. Green Money is about our collective influence as much as it is our individual hopes for the future. It’s as optimistic and creative as it is ready to win this fight.

And I don’t know about you, but I will be putting on my thrifted boots and following this movement (via public transit) all the way!

Let’s get to the interview.

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Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying: Finance Philosophy Explained by The Shawshank Redemption

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying: Finance Philosophy Explained by The Shawshank Redemption

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 14 Comments

Today, we’re revisiting a classic BGR about money, freedom, and The Shawshank Redemption. This extravagantly tangential ramble is definitely a reader favorite! It was one of our first ever written, and remains one of our most popular articles of all time. We’ve revised and expanded it with some brand new sections that feel really important. We’ve also included options to listen to video and audio versions as well. Enjoy!

What you’re about to see is pretty graphic.

Because today I’m going to torture a metaphor to death.

I’m sure it’ll be hard to hear. At times, it was hard to write!

I was almost at the point of walking away from the whole concept for this topic when I heard John 3:16 ringing in my memory: “For Kitty so loved the world, that she gave one of her favorite movies, that whosoever believeth in her should not go broke, but have eternal cash.”

Today I’m going to explain some of the most foundational ideas in personal finance philosophy. These are the concepts that underpin everything that we talk about here at Bitches Get Riches. About…

  • The purpose of money.
  • The value of labor.
  • The dangers of exploitation.
  • The systemic injustices that entrench power imbalances within financial systems.
  • And what YOU can do to free yourself from its grasp.

We’re gonna talk about all of that. But because that sounds BORING, we’re going to talk about it through something that is NOT boring, which is The Shawshank Redemption.

If you have not seen The Shawshank Redemption, I have three questions for you.

  • The first question: are you some kind of Alexandreeey Dumbass?
  • The second question: how? Logistically, how is it possible you haven’t seen The Shawshank Redemption? How did you get from 1997 to the present without watching cable television during daylight hours? Because if were you never home sick, eating Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Noodle and Club Crackers with TNT on in the background, I don’t understand how you got here.
  • The third question: why are you watching this and not The Shawshank Redemption? Pause this, and go to 321freemovies.russia.info or wherever the hell we’re getting movies these days, and go watch it first.

Only after you’ve done so are you allowed to return here and continue on. One hundred and forty-two minutes of narration by Ellis “Red” Redding (Morgan Freeman) is the necessary prep work you need to open your heart and expand your mind.

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Our 5 Best Secrets for Secondhand Shopping Like a Frugal Warrior

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 8 Comments

Gather ’round, ye children, and I will teach you of an essential moment in Millennial cultural history.

The year was 2012 and a white boy with an egregious undercut was topping the charts rapping about your granddad’s clothes. Not only was this chart-topping song a banger (in fact, it slapped). And not only was the music video a cultural zeitgeist that would define a generation’s visual aesthetic. But the whole moment of “Thrift Shop” was a lovingly earnest ode to what we, the post-Great Recession generation, valued.

It was tacky. It was fun. It was simultaneously both anti-consumerism and materialistic. It was juvenile and absurd and it loved a goddamn deal. Did I mention that it slapped?

Secondhand shopping never looked so incredible.

Anyway that’s how I remember it and I will not be accepting alternate historical interpretations at this time!

The point is that I am still living inside of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop.” And that makes me kind of an expert on secondhand shopping.

This expertise is more valuable now than ever! It’s been ages since we first wrote about how almost anything can be purchased secondhand. Since then we’ve covered how a lot of secondhand shopping is experiencing a nauseating price hike.

But there is cheap treasure yet to be found if you know where to look. It just requires a little extra time, wisdom, and elbow grease. Here are our five best secrets to secondhand shopping like you want to make an elder Millennial proud.

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Are Your Political Campaign Donations Worth It?

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 13 Comments

Something tells me that many of our readers are contemplating political campaign donations right about now. Don’t ask me how I know this. Because I really couldn’t say!

Maybe it’s just my woman’s intuition! Which is definitely not a conditioned hypersensitivity to threatening nonverbal communication under the patriarchy, but cool evolution magic that heightens with my ~*fertility cycle!*~

I'd make more political campaign donations if it was down to Keanu Reeves vs The Devil.

(Wait, is this really my first time using a Devil’s Advocate gif? How can this be, when I have a passionate lifelong obsession with this high camp masterpiece?! Okay, okay… if Kamala Harris wins in 2024, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. And if Donald Trump wins, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. Either way, it will be called A Billion Eddie Barzoons All Jogging Into the Future dot Blogspot dot com.)*

I know we say “the stakes have never been higher” every single election year, but it keeps feeling accurate. Our readers are passionate about the issues and they want to know: does donating to political campaigns actually work? Can it make a candidate more likely to win? Is it worth the sacrifice, if money is already tight?

We’ll do our best to give you some objective perspective! Hoo-ah!

Non-U.S. readers: This advice is framed through my American perspective, but I think the broader take is valuable for anyone who lives in a voting democracy. I would love to get a few international perspectives in the comments!

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New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 8 Comments

Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since we gave you an update on what’s happening behind the scenes at Bitches Get Riches. Probably because…

  1. We assume you kinda don’t care.
  2. We avoid talking about our plans publicly, because our follow-through often sucks, and we prefer not to be held accountable for that.
FINE, I will publicly commit to a new podcast format. Is my self-effacing too honest? Check yes or no. [ ] Yes [ ] No

That said, we’ve made some big decisions we think you’ll want to hear about! We’re switching up our content schedule AND rolling out a new podcast format. We’re doing this because we want to make our work as valuable and accessible as we possibly can. So let me take you through what’s changing!

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All Labor Deserves Compensation. Don’t Be a Dick About It.

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 15 Comments

I’m sometimes surprised about what people find controversial around here. Our articles about abortion and reproductive rights are met with pretty universal agreement. While one of the most controversial things we’ve ever written was about the American tipping system:

If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford To Dine Out

You should read it. But if you don’t want to bother, here are the highlights:

  • Our tipping system is whack by design. Employers are allowed to pay servers below minimum wage with the expectation that customers will make up the difference in tips. This means tipping is not, as the word would suggest, a reward for good service. Rather, it is pretty fucking mandatory if you want to qualify as a Decent Human Being.
  • So if you don’t tip at all, your server is being criminally underpaid. This isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility. Which means diners should factor the cost of tipping into their budget when dining out since employers are passing off the cost of their payroll to the customer.
  • The solution is to automatically fold service charges into the bill, which more and more restaurants and bars are doing. But it’s by no means universal quite yet. So in the meantime your options are to cook at home or tip your server at least 20%.

The number of comments on that article that don’t simply complain about the necessity of tipping, but completely disregard the humanity of servers is staggering. The contempt and disrespect from these trolls is, uh… super gross! Here’s a sample:

Damn. I did not order a side of ableism with this comment. Please take it back.

It’s the day after Labor Day. So I’m spending this article on the dignity of labor: what it is, why it’s deserving of respect and fair compensation, and why disrespecting labor is a massive dick move.

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You Really Need to Ask for a Raise. Here’s How.

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 16 Comments

Years ago, when I worked for a publishing house, I went out to happy hour with my coworkers at a whiskey distillery. One thing led to another and I found myself drunkenly badgering three of my female coworkers about their income (if this is shocking to you, you must be new here at BitchesDrunkenlyBadgerYoutoGetRiches.com).

At issue was the fact that none of them had ever asked for a raise. Ever. At any job they’d ever had. And as I listened to their pathetic excuses I felt the worst kind of déjà vu. All of their reasoning and fear sounded frighteningly similar to my own personal experience.

For I too had once waffled and procrastinated over asking for a raise! It was a massive, embarrassing, and expensive mistake. I asked my boss for a raise and he sheepishly gave me 25%—even more than I asked for!—because he realized he forgot to give me a raise with my last promotion and I had been underpaid for literally years. The whole miserable experience was basically designed in a lab to be my supervillain origin story.

Since then I have never hesitated to ask for a raise. I set calendar reminders and keep a running tally of the reasons why I am fucking worth it.

I’ve also become a raise-seeking evangelical. Because if my old coworkers still struggled with all the same hang-ups about asking for a raise that I once had, then chances are some of you do too. And it is my sworn duty as a Loud Internet Woman to type words at you until you get the hell over it!

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