Author: Lauren Torres ("Kitty")

Anti-Goblin Mode: The Game I Play Every Day to Reprogram My Disorganized Brain

Anti-Goblin Mode: The Game I Play Every Day to Reprogram My Disorganized Brain

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 12 Comments

It’s finally time to talk about Anti-Goblin Mode: my secret holy grail technique for conquering executive dysfunction in my home, my work, and my life in general.

I’ve never written about it before. It seemed too personal and too silly to share. But since I discovered it, I’ve used it nearly every day of my life—and the transformation has been permanent and incredible. And as our patrons demanded an article on becoming organized, its time has come!

One of the best pieces of general life advice I’ve ever received is this: never ask a natural talent to be your teacher. If they came out of the womb composing piano sonatas, don’t ask them to teach you piano! They literally don’t understand the experience of not knowing what they know! This holds true in organization, too. I find that most “organizational systems” were written by people with a natural talent for organization. Y’know—monsters who can keep a white rug clean. Their advice shouldn’t be trusted. Instead, the best teachers are people who struggled and persevered in the face of mediocrity.

On this point, I’m happy to attest that neither nature nor nurture set me up to be an organized person. I grew up the undiagnosed ADHD child of an undiagnosed ADHD parent who was also a hoarder! That means I’ve earned my organized life valiantly, on the battlefield.

So how? How did I become an organized person? I’m happy to tell you it’s not rigid, or complicated, or super philosophical, or time-consuming. I developed a game to help me do it. It’s very simple, but it’s transformed my life for the better. And I hope it might help you too.

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Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying: Finance Philosophy Explained by The Shawshank Redemption

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying: Finance Philosophy Explained by The Shawshank Redemption

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 14 Comments

Today, we’re revisiting a classic BGR about money, freedom, and The Shawshank Redemption. This extravagantly tangential ramble is definitely a reader favorite! It was one of our first ever written, and remains one of our most popular articles of all time. We’ve revised and expanded it with some brand new sections that feel really important. We’ve also included options to listen to video and audio versions as well. Enjoy!

What you’re about to see is pretty graphic.

Because today I’m going to torture a metaphor to death.

I’m sure it’ll be hard to hear. At times, it was hard to write!

I was almost at the point of walking away from the whole concept for this topic when I heard John 3:16 ringing in my memory: “For Kitty so loved the world, that she gave one of her favorite movies, that whosoever believeth in her should not go broke, but have eternal cash.”

Today I’m going to explain some of the most foundational ideas in personal finance philosophy. These are the concepts that underpin everything that we talk about here at Bitches Get Riches. About…

  • The purpose of money.
  • The value of labor.
  • The dangers of exploitation.
  • The systemic injustices that entrench power imbalances within financial systems.
  • And what YOU can do to free yourself from its grasp.

We’re gonna talk about all of that. But because that sounds BORING, we’re going to talk about it through something that is NOT boring, which is The Shawshank Redemption.

If you have not seen The Shawshank Redemption, I have three questions for you.

  • The first question: are you some kind of Alexandreeey Dumbass?
  • The second question: how? Logistically, how is it possible you haven’t seen The Shawshank Redemption? How did you get from 1997 to the present without watching cable television during daylight hours? Because if were you never home sick, eating Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Noodle and Club Crackers with TNT on in the background, I don’t understand how you got here.
  • The third question: why are you watching this and not The Shawshank Redemption? Pause this, and go to 321freemovies.russia.info or wherever the hell we’re getting movies these days, and go watch it first.

Only after you’ve done so are you allowed to return here and continue on. One hundred and forty-two minutes of narration by Ellis “Red” Redding (Morgan Freeman) is the necessary prep work you need to open your heart and expand your mind.

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Are Your Political Campaign Donations Worth It?

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 13 Comments

Something tells me that many of our readers are contemplating political campaign donations right about now. Don’t ask me how I know this. Because I really couldn’t say!

Maybe it’s just my woman’s intuition! Which is definitely not a conditioned hypersensitivity to threatening nonverbal communication under the patriarchy, but cool evolution magic that heightens with my ~*fertility cycle!*~

I'd make more political campaign donations if it was down to Keanu Reeves vs The Devil.

(Wait, is this really my first time using a Devil’s Advocate gif? How can this be, when I have a passionate lifelong obsession with this high camp masterpiece?! Okay, okay… if Kamala Harris wins in 2024, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. And if Donald Trump wins, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. Either way, it will be called A Billion Eddie Barzoons All Jogging Into the Future dot Blogspot dot com.)*

I know we say “the stakes have never been higher” every single election year, but it keeps feeling accurate. Our readers are passionate about the issues and they want to know: does donating to political campaigns actually work? Can it make a candidate more likely to win? Is it worth the sacrifice, if money is already tight?

We’ll do our best to give you some objective perspective! Hoo-ah!

Non-U.S. readers: This advice is framed through my American perspective, but I think the broader take is valuable for anyone who lives in a voting democracy. I would love to get a few international perspectives in the comments!

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New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 8 Comments

Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since we gave you an update on what’s happening behind the scenes at Bitches Get Riches. Probably because…

  1. We assume you kinda don’t care.
  2. We avoid talking about our plans publicly, because our follow-through often sucks, and we prefer not to be held accountable for that.
FINE, I will publicly commit to a new podcast format. Is my self-effacing too honest? Check yes or no. [ ] Yes [ ] No

That said, we’ve made some big decisions we think you’ll want to hear about! We’re switching up our content schedule AND rolling out a new podcast format. We’re doing this because we want to make our work as valuable and accessible as we possibly can. So let me take you through what’s changing!

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Long-Term Disability Insurance Is a Necessity… and a Scam

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 6 Comments

As promised, for our ongoing series for Disability Pride Month, I’m explaining long-term disability insurance. Some employers offer this perk to their employees at low or no cost, so you may already have it. For others, long-term disability insurance probably feels like one more thing you “should” have, but don’t have the time, energy, or budget to get. Regardless, you’re going to learn so much today.

I wish I could say you were in for a treat! But you’re not.

You’re in for some kind of savory Jell-O salad.

I thought last week’s explainer on short-term disability insurance sent me to hell. Oh no! From today’s vantage point of the seventh bolgia of Malebolge (within the eighth circle of hell, where fraudulent thieves are ravaged for eternity by vengeful reptiles), I can confidently look back and say, “Aw, that wasn’t so bad!” Get ready to join me!

Learning about long-term disability insurance policies IS hell.
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Short-Term Disability Insurance is a Waste of Money... With Two Very Specific Exceptions

Short-Term Disability Insurance Is a Waste of Money… With Two Very Specific Exceptions

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 7 Comments

In honor of Disability Pride Month, we’re coming to you with our hot and sweaty take on short-term disability insurance. We’re going to explain what it is, how it works, and why you probably don’t need it… unless, of course, you’re in two very specific situations. Ooooh, look at me go, building that mystery!

No disability-related topic can ever be simple. But we’ll do our best to make the pros and cons of short-term disability insurance super clear! And since we’re generally not enthusiastic about it, we’ll explain some of your (many) other, better options.

Fun fact: the insurance industry abbreviates short-term disability insurance as “STD.” Unlike my biblical ancestress, I swear to resist the temptation of a low-hanging fruit.

Abbreviating "short-term disability insurance" as "STD" is like a carrot with a giant box held up with a stick and a string for me, specifically.
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Why There’s So Little (Good) Personal Finance for Disabled People

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 15 Comments

Jess and I are both itching to write more about personal finance for disabled people.

We’re also both itching because we have autoimmune disorders.

Guys, we’re here! We’re queer! We have two X chromosomes with faulty molecular coatings!

Okay, but seriously… we’ve both been sitting on some big ol’ honkin’ article ideas about how disabilities can impact money, jobs, and life in general. Frankly, our readers have begged us for this content. The subject of disability finance has intimidated us like no other. But with the gentle urging of our awesome Patreon donors, we’re going to dive in and do our best.

July is Disability Pride Month, commemorating the anniversary of the passage of the Americans With Disabilities Act on July 26, 1990. We’re celebrating with the release of a whole month of articles on this theme.

Did we plan this in advance? Certainly not! What do we look like—professional bloggers with a content schedule?! We had a random one-in-twelve chance to get this right, and by god, we did it. May our luck hold as we try to tackle the complexities of this subject.

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The Dollar Bill Game: What You’d Do if Money Were No Object Says a Lot About You

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 9 Comments

“If money were no object, what would you do with your life?”

Did people ask you this hypothetical question a lot? Especially around high school and college graduation? I did. And it was frustrating as hell, because I was so overwhelmed by my choices that I had no idea how to answer.

This question requires you to have a deep knowledge of yourself and your place in the world—deeper than many young people will have adequate experiences to inform.

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Bob Iger Would NEVER Bring a Water Dish for Skippy: The Classist Myth of Unskilled Labor

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 2 Comments

I told my co-blogger that my next article would be titled “Bob Iger Would NEVER Bring a Water Dish for Skippy.” She packed her belongings into a handkerchief tied to a stick. I think that means she’s excited!

Okay, okay, a little context…

There’s a new video setting YouTube ablaze. It presents a clear and fascinating rebuttal to the classist myth of “the low-skill worker.”

  • The storyteller is YouTuber Jenny Nicholson.
  • The setting of her deep-dive is the recently defunct Star Wars hotel.
  • The villains are insanely wealthy people trying to make themselves even wealthier by guessing what the unwashed masses want… and getting it totally wrong because they’re inept, greedy, and out of touch.
  • The heroes are the unpaid interns and minimum-wage workers whose dedication, creativity, and work ethic create the magic their bosses unsuccessfully wasted millions of dollars chasing.

Y’all, this video FIRED ME UP. I’m neither a Star Wars fan nor a Disney adult, but it doesn’t matter. The video is well worth watching. I’m only going to speak to a very small slice of it, which I’ll summarize for folks who don’t have the time or interest to watch it all.

In this age of unprecedented wealth inequality, it’s singularly important for workers everywhere to understand how their labor is being exploited. The story is juicy and entertaining—but we also think it’s a great opportunity for readers to develop the skill of recognizing labor exploitation. Because if you don’t know you’re exploited, you can’t take steps to stop it.

So sit back and let me explain the significance of bringing a water dish for Skippy—and why Bob Iger would never think to do it.

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The Bitches Get Riches Brand Promise: Social Media, Plagiarism, and AI in an Age of Exploitation

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 8 Comments

“You know how we joke about our ‘brand promise’?” I say to Jess in our weekly meeting.

“You mean our guaranteed minimum of dick jokes? Naturally! Why?”

“I’m thinking of finally writing a real one.”

“Oh, like a sentence or two in the sidebar?”

I make a face. My coblogger regards me with the abrupt suspicion of a dog owner whose faithful friend is chewing on an item of unknown provenance. “How long is it?”

“Kinda long…” I concede, a bad dog chewing faster.

She sighs. “I look forward to reading it.” This is what she says when she’s resigned to receiving an eleventy-thousand-word shitstorm that defies editing for clarity and brevity, delivered the morning we’re supposed to publish. And like X, I’m gon’ to give it to her.

Lately my brain has been leaking big, scary thoughts about the nature of the work we do here. Conversations about AI, plagiarism, social media, and the value of creative labor swirl through my head. I try keeping these thoughts where they belong: in the shower. But sometimes they escape and bully their way to my word processor.

Today, I want to spell out the real Bitches Get Riches promise. To make specific promises, and to explain why they’re so important. Because I want you to know me—and because I want you to know what you can (and cannot) expect from “content creators” in this time so fraught with artifice and greed.

It’s a little different from our usual. Indulge me, and I’ll strive to reward you for your patience.

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