Lauren Torres ("Kitty"), Author at Bitches Get Riches • Page 7 of 23

Season 3, Episode 9: “My Partner and I Want Kids in a Few Years. How Do We Financially Prepare for a Baby?”

December 9, 2021August 2, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 2 Comments

Dear readers, as you know, your humble Bitches are what’s known as “parenting experts.” We’ve spent literally decades observing and critically judging the childrearing of others. And we’ve done it all without sullying our hands by actually becoming parents ourselves! So when it comes to the topic of how to financially prepare for a baby… you know you can trust us.

Believe it or not, we childfree hags received more than one question about financially preparing for parenthood. And while we’ve answered questions about how to get ready to buy a house or go to college before… we’ve never touched this one’s diaper-rashy bottom.

But how hard can it be?

Having kids is one of the most financially significant decisions in a person’s life! Not only are kids expensive, but the decision affects people differently depending on their gender, sexuality, and access to medical care, childcare, and educational resources.

At the very least, you or your co-parent (if you have one) will need to maneuver into a job with solid health insurance benefits and parental leave. But the preparatory headache doesn’t stop there! So let’s dive into it, shall we?

Season 3, Episode 8: “Should I Get Married for Tax Purposes? My Boyfriend Swears We’d Save Money, but I’m Not So Sure…”

December 2, 2021August 2, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 6 Comments

Ah, taxes! Second only to gas prices in the list of things we Americans like to blame for our money woes. Also: hella romantic!

That’s right, Bitch Nation, for today on the podcast we’re discussing the intersection of love and taxes. Specifically, the question of whether you should get married for tax purposes.

Popular wisdom dictates that getting married and filing taxes jointly will give you a huge discount on your tax bill. We’ve heard worse reasons to get married. But is this one really true?

As usual, the answer is… it depends! On your circumstances, your income, your property ownership, and a whole host of other matters. We are by no means tax experts (though our marriage expertise is beyond reproach), but we’re going to do our best to shine a light on the question of getting married for tax purposes.

Here comes the bride!

Your Girl Is Officially Retiring at 35 Years Old

November 30, 2021April 4, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 64 Comments

Earlier this month at the EconoMe Conference, I gave a speech where I revealed I was planning on retiring at 35 years old.

I practiced the speech many times, mostly in the sacred privacy of my shower. To be honest, I wasn’t happy with it! When I tried to talk about how and why I was going for such an early retirement age, I faltered, rambled, and went on weird tangents that had too many 1990s anime references (or not enough, depending on your perspective).

My youthful days as a theatre kid had imbued me with an unshakable certainty that there was no point in worrying about it. The show would go on. I would get up on the stage and say something, and people would clap politely when I was done. Because they always do that, even when you suck! Ah, the beauty of social contracts!

Surprisingly, the words flowed easiest when I was standing on a stage in front of a few hundred people. I could kinda see the faces of my audience through the haze of the UFO tractor beam lighting. I had the world’s best business partner on stage next to me; the front row was packed with wise and supportive personal finance industry mentors; and past them, a sea of faces belonging to people who intimately understood what I was there to say about financial freedom. Before the most welcoming and encouraging audience imaginable, my words came out effortlessly.

“Work sucks, and I hate it, so I’m not gonna do it anymore.”

I should’ve just said that and trusted this audience to fill my remaining 28 minutes with a standing ovation. Maybe wrap with some local jokes? “Thanks for attending my TedTalk. Go Cincinnati, um, Owlbears? No, no, that’s definitely a D&D monster, hold on… [checks notes] Bearcats! Go Bearcats!”

It’s true. If all goes as planned, I’m retiring at 35 years old this coming spring.

Here’s my story.

Antiwork Is the New American Dream

November 17, 2021April 4, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 19 Comments

For the past few years, I’ve been a member of a subreddit called Antiwork (r/antiwork). I think I found my way there through r/PovertyFinance or r/LostGeneration, where I lurk, occasionally answering questions about surviving life in a capitalist hellscape. (Usually while on the toilet. Sorry, jut being real!)

Antiwork is a place for people to vent about their jobs, mostly through memes and frustrated rants. But instead of drawing individualistic conclusions (“this job sucks”), they take a more wholistic view. They view those negative experiences as evidence of a deeper and more systemic dysfunction of labor (“all work sucks”) that deserves serious discussion and commiseration.

The vibe is pessimistic, almost to the point of fatalism. The stories are depressing, petty, and brutal. Doesn’t sound like a fun place for people to spend social recreational time, does it? But oh, how it’s landed recently…!

I joined way back in 2018, when the subreddit had about 3,000 subscribers. Today, it has over a million—with more joining every day.

Its sudden popularity is making a lot of powerful people nervous, to which I say… AHAHAHAHA, GOOD!!

Stop Over-Apologizing at Work

October 19, 2021February 4, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 16 Comments

Over-apologizing at work is a plague among our core demographic of readers (young people, women, judgmental introverts).

If you’re anything like me, you were raised to apologize way too often. I grew up in the American Midwest, Land of the Rising Ope. Socially, we value politeness above all else (corn subsidies and casseroles excluded, obviously). I never thought critically about how much I was apologizing. Until, without realizing it, “sorry” became my default response to every conceivable situation, whether positive, negative, or neutral.

Me, when I’m five minutes late: “Ope, sorry!”
Also me, but when I’m five minutes early: “Ope, sorry!”
And me when I’m exactly on time: (Okay, this has never happened to me even once in my life. But if it did, I would absolutely apologize for setting incorrect expectations of future punctuality.)

This habit was especially noticeable at work. For years, I unconsciously gravitated towards soft, supple, accommodating language in every communication I sent, lest my coworkers find me bitchy and unlikable. It was tedious, but I truly thought I was being a polite, flexible communicator.

In reality, I was sabotaging myself.

Now that I’ve recategorized “being bitchy and unlikable” from fears to goals, I have embraced a more authentic communication style. And that’s allowed me to express myself more easily and effectively than I ever thought possible.

Frugal Disaster Preparedness for Chill People

September 28, 2021August 2, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 19 Comments

Disaster preparedness for chill people doesn’t really seem to exist. Like many personal finance nerds, I am a resource hoarder to my squirrelly little core. I finish every video game with a massive pile of money and top-tier supplies I worked feverishly to acquire, but never actually used.

It’s not a virtue… it’s an -itis. Don’t be like me, kids! Use those megalixers!

Given this facet of my personality, you’d think I’d be drawn to the survivalism (aka “prepping”) community. And I am—but I’ve never really gotten into it. Because most survivalist literature is too extreme for me. Exxxtreme, you could say. I swear I’ve read more than one “beginner’s guide” suggesting tools for your inevitable DIY dentistry. There is no Hint of Sea Salt prepping! FLAVOR-BLASTED ONLY!

But the coronavirus pandemic gave everyone fresh, realistic insights into what a modern large-scale disaster really looks like. Additionally, mine and Piggy’s homes have recently taken a pounding from unusual weather events caused by climate change (floods and storms for me, wildfires and droughts for Piggy). So I spent a lot of time this year thinking about this question:

What have I done—or owned—that made me actually safer or happier during a disaster?

It was hard to articulate… but it definitely wasn’t iodine tablets and camp stoves! See? I was right! As usual, I always find retrospective validation for my laziness, unpreparedness, and/or procrastination.

After a lot of deep thinking, I finally feel prepared (PREPPED?!) to define my own brand of survivalism. This is disaster preparedness for chill people!

You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Moon Goddess

September 15, 2021October 19, 2021 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 20 Comments

In my short lifetime, I have heard more than one perfectly sensible person tell me they “can’t do” cheap toilet paper.

I don’t know why people tell me these things.

It’s like they want me to cry out to Father Dagon and Mother Hydra and bid them raise an army of Deep Ones from the many-columned depths of Y’ha-nthlei to sweep over the land and drown the humans in a cosmic flood as recompense for their innumerable and unpardonable follies.

25 Tricks to Cool Your Home WITHOUT Air Conditioning

25 Tricks to Stay Cool WITHOUT Air Conditioning

August 17, 2021September 9, 2021 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 30 Comments

It’s tough to stay cool without air conditioning these days—and it seems that it’s only going to get harder.

This year has brought some truly terrible news about climate change. Rather than brooding sleeplessly over it, or ineffectually shaking my fist at the greedy few who bear the most responsibility for ruining our cute little planet, I’m trying to be zen n’ shit! Gotta focus on the things I can control, and take whatever pragmatic steps are within my ability to take.

… But if you are Doing A Beheading, please invite me.

Today we’re sharing our best strategies for cooling your home without air conditioning. If you’re reading this during the cold months, you’ve come to the wrong place. But you are adjacent to the right place, Because we have an article with all our best heat-conserving tips as well:

Ask the Bitches: How Can I Survive in an Apartment with No Heat?

Ask the Bitches: Social Media Fatigue Is Stressing Me the Fuck Out—What Can I Do Besides Quit?

August 3, 2021March 7, 2024 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 8 Comments

I’ve spent a lot of time gazing into the abyss of social media fatigue over the past year. And I guess the abyss is finally gazing back, because we’ve gotten a few questions on this subject recently!

Patreon donor (and effulgent selkie maiden) Georgie puts it this way:

Hello eminent and awe-inspiring Bitches! I have a question that I hope you might have some insight on.
How can I kick ass in today’s activism, corporate, and social world without using social media?
I am autistic, and have found through painful experience that usage of any media that is endlessly scrollable (think Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc) negatively impacts my mental health to the point of being actively dangerous. Most importantly, I have been active in social justice activism for a few years now and find it nigh on impossible to work well within the current BLM movement in my city without Facebook.
Along with this, I know that potential employers, dates, and roommates are searching for me online and finding someone who effectively disappeared last year. Any advice would be appreciated.
May your crackers be cheesy & your wallets be fat,
– Georgie

First, we must pause to admire Georgie’s sign off, which is a 10/10. Now, let’s see what we can do about her problem, which sounds like social media fatigue. Maybe with a splash of activism fatigue. And boy am I familiar with that!

Don’t Turn Your Passions Into Work

July 20, 2021July 20, 2021 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 33 Comments

Turning your passions into work is really popular advice. At my day job, I’m mentoring a fresh crop of school-aged interns. One of them learned that I had a blog and was super excited to ask me about it.

“I run an Instagram account where I talk about beauty and self-acceptance,” she told me, “and I LOVE it.”

And I could tell that she meant it! Her whole face lit up. She was practically wiggling in her seat with excitement. She described the positive, loving feedback she received from doing it, and how it gave her a true sense of purpose. “I want to eventually figure out how to monetize it and potentially turn it into a career. Any advice on how to do that?”

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “Don’t.”