{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Getting a Job, Raise, or Promotion

You were told never to enter the crypt… told that the sacred knowledge buried there would break the minds of the weak-willed. You were told… and you disobeyed.

Now, as you creep your way forward, guttering torch in hand, you wonder if you’ve made a fatal error. The cobwebs hang thick before you, obscuring your view down the dank and musty corridor. As you descend into darkness, your courage wanes, your resolve falters. Perhaps you are not ready for the secrets buried within the Crypt of the Bitchy Ones. Perhaps no one is…

For in this ancient sepulcher lies the key to all career wisdom, the key to getting ahead and navigating the workplace as smoothly as a serpent along the dusty stones your feet now tread. And no matter the risk, no matter what haunts the hidden crypt, you will not stop until you have attained this knowledge.

When at last you enter the cavernous tomb, your torch illuminates an ancient stone plinth. Upon it rests a dusty tome. You open its cracked leather cover and begin to read…

Welcome, fellow traveler!

One of the most important factors in your path to financial independence (or at least stability) is your income. Unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and a trust fund worth a tidy million or two… that means you’re going to have to work for your money.

We Bitches know about work. We’ve been cogs in the machine of production and profit for years now! And as depressing as that sounds, what it means is that we’ve both learned a thing or three about navigating the job market.

This means job hopping when necessary, competing for promotions, and yes (OH BOY, HERE COMES MY OLDEST FRIEND, ANXIETY), even asking for a raise once in a while.

We want to share that knowledge with you. It’s what we’re here for! So below is our complete catalog of knowledge on getting a job, getting a raise, getting a promotion, and staying sane at work.

Use it wisely.

Getting a job:

• How to Write a Resume so You Actually Have a Prayer of Getting Hired 
• How to Write a Cover Letter like You Actually Want the Job
• Ask the Bitches: What the Hell Else Can I Do to Get a Job?
• How to Frame Volunteering on Your Resume When You’ve Never Had a Job
• How To Get Ready For a Job Interview: Prep Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
• Common Job Interview Questions and How to Answer Them with the Confidence of a Mediocre White Dude
• 10 Questions You Should Never Be Asked in a Job Interview
• What to Wear (and What Not to Wear) to a Job Interview
• What to Do When You’re Asked About Your Salary Requirements in a Job Interview
• How NOT to Determine Your Salary
• How to Find Remote Work: On Getting the Elusive Work-From-Home Job
• High School Students Have No Way of Knowing What Career to Choose. Why Do We Make Them Do It Anyway?
• The Actually Helpful, Nuanced, Non-Bullshit Way to Choose a Future Career
• Myers-Briggs Personalities and Income: What Your Type Says About Your Salary
• I Just Applied for a Job. How (And When) Should I Follow Up?
• Our Best Secrets for a Successful, Strategic, and SHORT Job Search
• Season 2, Episode 11: “I Tripped and Fell into a Career I Don’t like. How Do I Reinvent Myself?”
• Ask the Bitches: “I Took a Career Break to Care For Someone. How Do I Explain My Caregiving Resume Gap?” 
• Ask the Bitches: How Do I Prepare for a Job Interview on Zoom?

Freelancing and side jobs:

• Should Artists Ever Work for Free?
• Stop Undervaluing Your Freelance Work, You Darling Fool
• Romanticizing the Side Hustle: When 1 Job Isn’t Enough
• The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships
• Freelancer, Protect Thyself… With a Fair Contract
• Ask the Bitches: My Boss Won’t Give Me a Contract and I’m Freaking Out
• I Lost My Job and It Might Be the Best Worst Thing That’s Ever Happened to Me
• Becoming a Millennial Entrepreneur (in the Midst of a Pandemic) with Katelyn Magnuson 
• 11 Awful Mistakes I Made as a Self-Employed Freelancer, and How YOU Can Avoid Them 

Workplace benefits:

• Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment
• Your School or Workplace Benefits Might Include Cool Free Stuff
• Your Yearly Free Medical Care Checklist
• Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One?
• How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year
• Season 2, Episode 6: “Someone Offered to Mentor Me! How Do I Be a Non-Sucky Mentee?”

Navigating the workplace:

• My Secret Weapon for Preparing for Awkward Boss Confrontations
• Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace
• Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job
• Can Looking Weird at Work Be Good for Your Career?
• Why Is Short Hair Controversial? An Examination of Expensive, Annoying Beauty Standards 
• Season 1, Episode 1: “Should I Tell My Boss I’m Looking for Another Job?”
• You WILL Regret Accepting Your Coworker’s Social Media Friend Request
• Season 1, Episode 5: “I Don’t Love My Job, but It Pays Well. Should I Quit—or Tough It Out?” 
• Season 2, Episode 7: “How Do I Throw My Incompetent Coworkers under the Bus?”
• Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace 

Getting a raise and negotiating salary:

• When It Comes to Salary Negotiations, Are You Asking for Enough? 
• A Millennial’s Guide to Growing Your Salary
• If Your Employer Refuses To Negotiate Salary, Try These 11 Creative Counteroffers 
• The First Time I Asked for a Raise
• You Need Really Need To Ask for a Raise. Here’s How.
• Should You Increase Your Salary or Decrease Your Spending?

Getting a promotion:

• Santa Isn’t Coming and Neither Is Your Promotion: How To Get Promoted
• How I Chessmastered Myself Into a Promotion at Work
• Job Hopping vs. Career Loyalty by the Numbers
• The Fascinating Results of Our Job Hopping vs. Career Loyalty Poll
• I Hate My Job and I Don’t Know How To Leave It: A Confession
• A New Job, a New Day, a New Life, and I’m Feeling Good
• Season 1, Episode 9: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”

Working remotely

• How to Successfully Work from Home Without Losing Your Goddamn Mind (Or Your Job)
• How to Find Remote Work: On Getting the Elusive Work-From-Home Job
• 8 Genres of Productivity Music (Plus Our Secret Stash of Personal Favorites) 
• My 25 Secrets to Successfully Working from Home with ADHD 

We will periodically update this list with newer articles. And by “periodically” I mean “when we remember that it’s something we forgot to do for four months.”

Bitches Get Riches: setting realistic expectations since 2017!