Season 2, Episode 1: “I’m Financially Stable, but My Friends Aren’t. The Guilt Is Crushing!”

Piggy  0:02 

Bitch Nation.

Kitty  0:03 

That’s right. Gird your loins

The bitches are back.

For those of you who cannot tell us apart, I’m Kitty. I’m actually on the road right now, which is probably why it sounds like I’m standing in an aviary. But I had a couple of quick programming notes that I wanted to share with you guys before we get started.

So I’m thinking I had really high hopes for season two of our podcast. We were gonna hire a producer / editor who could help us make these episodes come out a lot faster. We were going to have a more professional recording setup that was going to have way better audio quality.

Well, yeah, none of that ended up happening. The coronavirus pandemic struck, and for completely understandable reasons, a lot of our Patreon donors had to dial their contributions back. And at the same time, Piggy lost her day job. That was a big blow.

So we kind of dropped that strategy and reallocated all of that money directly to Piggy to help keep her in a good place. So basically, if you liked these slightly glitchy, huddled in a closet ambience of season one, we have fantastic news for you because it’s back.

The season is held together with love and duct tape. When all of this kind of started happening in the country started shutting down, Piggy and I flew into action like the Eagles at the end of the Lord of the Rings. Where were you guys before? I don’t know, but I’m glad you’re here, hop on board.

We published a new article on the blog every single day for like two weeks trying to answer time sensitive questions about filing for unemployment and getting stimulus checks and dealing with workplaces that aren’t taking the pandemic seriously.

So if you only listen to us, you are missing out. Bitchesgetriches.com is always going to be the destination for the more urgent, topical shit. We recorded these episodes in a couple of sessions between April and May of 2020, so you will not hear us reference current events past that point. We do talk about systemic racism in America, but it’s the exact same amount that we normally do.

Okay. Now, here’s our NPR moment. (in an NPR voice) If you like what we do and you want us to keep going, we need help from our supporters now more than ever.

Yeah. 2020 is the first year we have paid ourselves through BGR, and I cannot thank our Patreon donors enough for that support. It’s so meaningful, especially now that Piggy’s out of work. But, you know, to be totally transparent, the last time I calculated it out, Piggy and I are paying ourselves about $3 an hour. We’ve considered lots of options for additional monetization and rejected pretty much all of them because you just can’t get away from the idea that it feels really unethical to charge poor people money for advice on how to stop being poor.

The donor model feels good to us right now. When our advice helps people get their shit together and get raises and get promotions and get better jobs and pay off their loans, we hope that those people will remember us and pay it forward by donating, especially with Piggy out of work. If you were thinking of kicking us some dollars, now is your moment. We need you.

And to our donors, I know I say it all the time, but God, we appreciate the shit out of each and every one of you. Thank you. Our donors asked us to write about Black Wall Street and labor unions and toxic workplaces and recession preparation. And looking back, I am just totally blown away by how timely all of those articles that you guys selected ended up being. Those articles are helping people right now, and I think that’s really fucking cool.

Anyway, that’s it for posterity’s sake. Allow me to set the scene. It’s the spring of 2020. We haven’t worn bras in three months, and are feeling feisty. Capitalism is in full swing. Money is still, power and we’re going to teach you how to use it to do all sorts of fun shit like smashing the white supremacist patriarchy and defunding the police and redistributing all of your Republican dad’s wealth and building a bronze statue of people who tip poorly so that we can immediately pull it down and roll it into a river.

You know, all the usual stuff. Welcome to season two.

Piggy  5:03 

(intro music)

Kitty  5:19 

I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say this, and I know you’re gonna take this hard, but I could out-Ursula you any day.

Piggy  5:26 

I thoroughly disagree. Firmly disagree.

Piggy & Kitty  5:30 

(nearly unintelligible Ursula quotes)

Piggy  5:44 

I feel, we are kind of Ursula. Like as the bitches, we are Ursula, giving people what they want, but like in a good way?

Kitty  5:55 

You know, I’m into this. We have a lot in common with octopuses.

Piggy  6:03 

We sure do.

Kitty  6:04 

Who many people theorize to be aliens. We are going to help you. We are going to ask a price, which is that you have to sit through our Patreon plugs.

Piggy  6:20 

You have to sit through them all.

Kitty  6:22 

We’ll know if you fast forward.

Piggy  6:24 

We will. We will.

So season two, Here we go.

Kitty  6:27 

Yeah, this is it. I think season two, we’re bringing the Ursula energy. We’re bringing the quarantine madness. We want to get married on the ocean.

Piggy  6:38 

Oh my God, we are quarantined within our quarantine zones because we’re both sitting in coat closets for the sound quality. So, anyway. With that, I’m Piggy.

Kitty  6:51 

And I’m Kitty.

Piggy  6:52 

And we’re the bitches in Bitches Get Riches.

Kitty  6:55 

We are two Machiavellian kingmaking power brokers.

Piggy  6:59 

And we’re here to help you sort the royal line of succession.

Kitty  7:03 

Our time on this planet is limited though, so let’s get started. Today’s letter comes to us from our Tumblr ask box, which, by the way, bitchesgetriches.tumblr.com. You picked(?) this, right?

Piggy  7:16 

Yeah I think so.

Kitty  7:17 

A precious anonymous asker says, “Hi bitches, you guys have been so helpful to me. (Piggy coos) I graduated last year with no student loans, thanks to my parents (Kitty aside: lucky girl). I got a job in that field with a pretty good salary for an entry level position, and I’m contributing to my 401k, and I’m close to paying off my credit cards. So, that’s fantastic.”

“But as I’m looking at the near future of actually having a decent amount of money in the bank, emergency, retirement funds, living a bit more comfortably, we started feeling really guilty. Most of my friends come from a less fortunate background than me, whose parents haven’t been able to be as generous and also haven’t been able to be as lucky with jobs.”

“I feel like I have no business having money in the bank when people I care about are struggling, and then I feel ridiculous for complaining about a problem that boils down to, ‘I have too much money.’ I’ve helped a couple of friends by covering a bill until they get their checks, for example, but sometimes I overextend my budget by doing this, which obviously isn’t ideal. But I keep doing it because I feel awful that I have a safety net with my parents, and they don’t. I want to help my friends, but I also want to be financially stable myself. As money savvy folks, we’re very aware of the state of the economy. Have you had any similar feelings? And do you have any advice?

Piggy  8:40 

Yes, and yes. I saw this question, and I immediately was like if we’re gonna start season two with anything, it has to be this because I connect with it so much. I think it’s an issue that can cause a lot of anguish in friendships and relationships in general, and we just need to talk about it.

Kitty  9:01 

I agree, take it away.

Piggy  9:02 

I just want to say like what a lovely fucking person it is who will say like, “I’m doing really great, and I have a lot of pathos for my friends and I want to help them. So I’m gonna help them you know like meet their their bills one month where their paycheck like can’t stretch.” That’s just a really generous, nice wonderful thing to do, and like regardless of how this question asker got to the point where they were financially stable enough to do that for their friends, that’s a really fucking nice thing to do.

Kitty  9:33 

Yeah, I agree that’s very lovely.

Piggy  9:35 

Yeah, I just want to applaud their generous spirit. They are truly the MVP of Bitch Nation, and for that we love them and would sprinkle them with all the rewards in Candyland.

Kitty  9:48 

I think that is the good bitch answer. I’m going to be the bad bitch.

Piggy  9:54 

Oooh, you’re gonna play bad bitch.

Kitty  9:55 

Now I’m going to go there because it’s season two, baby, I’m not holding back.

Piggy  10:00 

Oh shit, she’s not holding back.

Kitty  10:01 

We’ve had so many questions that are sort of variations on this, which is — I hate capitalism. and yet I benefit from it. And ultimately the answer to that question is difficult to parse, but I know that the answer is not sit around feeling very guilty that you aren’t the one who’s suffering most under the system. That is not helpful. I also know that it is not overextend yourself financially to help out your friends and the people that you know. That is also not the answer.

I’m sorry. If it were, that would be a little bit easier, but you are not a 14th century friar who will renounce all worldly goods and spend all day doling out soup to the poor. That’s just not where we’re at.

Piggy  10:53 

But what if we had a 14th century friar listening to us? That we could like call on and be like, “You, redistribute the wealth!”

Kitty  11:02 

I would love that. Mostly I would like to hear them speak, assuming that they would pronounce all of their “s”s as “f”s. You know the thing where the slanty “s”…

Piggy  11:14 

No, I think you’re making a really good point, and it’s really a two fold question, right? It’s, you know, (a) should I feel guilty, and the answer is a resounding no and (b) how should I handle this help that I want to give to my friends. And I think that, you know, something that we hear a lot in personal finance is put your own oxygen mask on first. You also hear that on airplanes, or you did before the world was on quarantine.

But it’s true. You know, this question asker is doing a lovely thing, but if they are overextending their budget, if they’re getting to the point where they can’t meet their own bills, they’re putting themselves in a position where they will no longer be able to help their friends, let alone themselves and where they might need help themselves. So I would just say like, first and foremost, the whole point of having money is so that you’re taken care of, and you have that freedom, and you therefore have the ability to not be a burden on anybody else.

It’s a wonderful fucking cherry on top that you can then turn around and use that stability and that security to help others.

Kitty  12:27 

Yeah. Um, honestly, I think this is kind of an interesting question because I think this is actually something that you and I have had pretty fundamental disagreements about, which I’m now going to like … (Piggy: Go on) I’m going to air our dirty laundry. (in a raunchy voice) Our dirty, dirty laundry.

Piggy  12:44 

(exaggerated / sarcastic) Never happened before.

Kitty  12:46 

I think you have a point of view that’s quite similar to this question asker. In fact you wrote an article called, I believe, “Why I Feel Filthy Fucking Rich.”

Piggy  12:59 

Yes, indeed, I did.

Kitty  13:00 

I forget if the word fucking was in there, but it was certainly spiritually in there.

Piggy  13:04 

I couldn’t resist the alliteration.

Kitty  13:07 

And kind of your point was that most of the people in your immediate orbit … you make substantially more money than many of your peers. And you make substantially more money than the person who you were five or 10 years ago.

Piggy  13:25 

Definitely.

Kitty  13:25 

And it makes you feel like I’m so incredibly lucky and wealthy, and I must be the definition of rich because I can afford all of the basic necessities blah blah blah.

My perspective, I think, is a little bit different, and to be totally honest with our with our listeners, I am even richer than than you are.

Piggy  13:48 

Multitudes more.

Kitty  13:49 

But I tend to think about things in terms of magnitude. In the grand scheme of, “Who in America, and who in the world in general, is hoarding wealth?” It’s not me. Literally, my entire net worth could be stolen out of a billionaire’s bank account, and it’s not even enough money that they would notice that it was gone.

And to me, I think sometimes it can seem like … to people who are very aware of all the problematic aspects of capitalism, that if you aren’t the one who is the most suffering, the most at risk, it means you’re complacent and complicit in the system.

But if you’re trying to take responsibility for all the evils of capitalism, and saying, “Ah, because I make $60,000 a year, it means that I am the one who is responsible for this.” That is just not true, and I would caution you against thinking that because, oftentimes, I think that people try to make things that aren’t their problem into their problem. Because when you have anxieties, it’s very tempting to want to do things that make you feel like you have control over those anxieties.

Our letter writer has an anxiety that is kind of not quite fully like at the surface, which is that it’s fucked up that I know so many good and hardworking and deserving people who are struggling with their bills.

Piggy  15:35 

Yeah, exactly.

Kitty  15:36 

And those people shouldn’t be in that situation. So you want to try to give yourself control over that by saying like, “It must be my fault because I don’t have a struggle. I have to go out and like take on emotional responsibility for this one” Really, I think that is just an illusion of control that you’re giving yourself, and it’s ultimately not very productive.

Piggy  15:59 

Yeah. I want to push back a little bit. I completely agree. I completely agree that feelings of guilt about the state of the economy and your relative comfort within it are completely unproductive. Like feeling guilty is unproductive, especially in this case. Like, you’re a generous wonderful person. You’re not Superman. You can’t do it all by yourself.

But I also feel like too many people have this habit: no matter where they are on the staircase of financial solvency, they look up and not down. So, I feel like — I know you’ve met these people too — but I know people who are doing very well for themselves, who don’t feel like they’re doing well for themselves because they’re looking up. And they’re not comparing themselves to the people below them on that metaphorical staircase.

Kitty  17:02 

I know you know what I’m thinking of. Can you lay a special juicy quote from that family to our listeners.

Piggy  17:08 

I was a nanny for years when we were in college and a little bit after. So there was a really sort of jaw dropping moment when I was standing on their rooftop rose garden. This is not exaggeration. Looking at their koi pond that was built into the floor of the rooftop rose garden and would be covered in winter. And just admiring the koi in the pond, and they had recently installed the koi.

And the dad sort of looks at me, and he goes, “Not bad for a middle class family, huh?” And I just like kinda … stared because it’s true like we were — This was a $6.7 million dollar house, and I know that because they told me was a $6.7 million dollar house. And the goal of this guy who could afford to pay a nanny when both he and his wife were basically home all day and perfectly capable of entertaining and taking care of their child … the goal of this man to be like “not bad for a middle class family” … well yeah, because you’re not middle class, you know?

Kitty  18:28 

When someone says it, it leaves a scar on your memory that you’re like, “Oh, great. I’m going to carry that thing that you just said around in my heart for all time.” Yeah, out of touch.

Piggy  18:41 

(long sigh) I breathed my entire soul on that sigh. But, you know, that’s what I’m talking about. So I just feel like I would caution people from this attitude of, “Oh well I’m not Jeff Bezos, and therefore, you know, I’m not rich.”

Because that’s a false equivalency. You can’t compare yourself to someone who is absurdly wealthy, like God level wealthy, like more than God level wealthy. Like God is a fucking pauper compared to Bezos. You can’t compare yourself to that person. You know I’m gonna stop this sentence. You can’t compare yourself to Jeff Bezos if you’re talking about your wealth.

Kitty  19:30 

No, I think that’s fair. I think probably in between our perspectives lies the truth. We cannot leave the willful reallocation of excess resources … we can’t leave that to the Jeff Bezoses of the world. But at the same time we cannot take on responsibility for the sins of capitalism and the sins of the ultra wealthy who hoard wealth not because they need it, but because they have some kind of like…

Piggy  20:06 

Addiction to gathering it.

Kitty  20:08 

Yeah, an addiction to wealth gathering is actually a really good way of putting it. So in terms of our letter writer, this is my read: our letter writer is definitely not Jeff Bezos.

Piggy  20:22 

Yep, which like by the way, Jeff Bezos, if you would like to get in touch it’s piggy@bitchesgetriches.com.

Kitty  20:29 

Jeff, I want to have a conversation about my friend who works at Whole Foods and needs hazard pay right now. If you could also just — kitty at … you have to hold down the shift and hit the number two, I know this is hard and you usually have people to do this for you, but it is kitty, then the shift and the two bitchesgetriches,com. You’ll figure it out. You’ll pay someone to figure it out for you, Jeff. Don’t worry.

Piggy  21:00 

You could also say, what is it? Is Alexa the Amazon one? Siri?

Kitty  21:06 

No, Alexa is the Amazon one.

Piggy  21:10 

Wow, are you sure?

Kitty  21:11 

Certainly not when you ask me, “Are you sure?”

Piggy  21:13 

Okay, whatever. (laughing)

This letter writer mentions that they have a budget that they’re overextending, and I want to focus on that because it seems like there’s a really easy workaround to that, which is to set aside some money in your budget for helping friends out. And that can be like a little bit of your emergency fund, you can file it under charity. You know if you’re finding yourself overextending your budget because you’re helping to pay your friends, like work that into your budget, set it aside.

Kitty  21:45 

Being in an emergency fund for people who really cannot afford to have an emergency fund would be a fairly nice way to think about it.

Piggy  21:54 

You are such a lovely human being and … yeah. Are you good with that?

Kitty  21:58 

I’m good with that.

Piggy  22:00 

Alright, listeners, if there’s a question you’d like for us to answer go to bitchesgetriches.com and click Ask the Bitches. There is only one way to guarantee that we will answer your question, and that’s to become a Patreon donor. If you like what we do, and you want us to keep going, please become a Patreon donor and support us with whatever donation amount you’re comfortable with.

Kitty  22:18 

We also have a merch store where you can buy t shirts and printable worksheets and more.

Piggy  22:22 

Finally, there are some free things you can do to say thanks. Please rate and review us on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, whatever you use. It pumps us up in the charts, and makes us easier to find. Follow us on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Pinterest. And subscribe to our articles, so you never miss a new one. You can do follow that, at bitchesgetriches.com.

Kitty  22:42 

Hey, is there anything else they should know?

Piggy  22:44 

(in a Tiger King impression) CAROL BASKIN KILLED HER HUSBAND AND STABBED HIS TIRES.

Kitty  22:49 

Good to know.

Piggy  22:50 

(continuing her Tiger King impression) CAROL BASKIN.