Credit Card Companies HATE Her! Stay Out of Credit Card Debt With This One Weird Trick

Kitty was once at an event where a credit card company was hawking their new cash rewards credit card. The credit card rep excitedly told her about all the cash back rewards she could earn by using the card, and how the interest wasn’t even “that bad!”

But mama didn’t raise no fool. Instead of falling head over heels for low interest, Kitty asked, “But what if someone pays off the credit card debt in full and on time? Will they still get the rewards?”

“Ah,” the credit card rep sighed, “we call those people deadbeats.”

That’s right: deadbeats. Credit card companies fucking hate people like Kitty and I. And that’s exactly how we like it!

Your humble Bitches are basically allergic to credit card debt. We avoid it at all costs. Our massive student loans were bad enough! So the thought of adding credit card debt on top of that literally figuratively gives me hives. And I’ve got to keep this skin looking smooth and clear! WE’RE ON YOUTUBE NOW, YOU GUYS!

So here’s our one weird secret to staying out of credit card debt and making credit card companies hate you too.

First, aspire to be a deadbeat

Credit card companies aren’t charities. They aren’t out here offering nice fat lines of credit out of the goodness of their (nonexistent) hearts. They’re for-profit companies. Their whole purpose is to make money!

They make that money by charging their customers interest. You buy a thing with your credit card and your credit card company will charge you interest on the amount every billing cycle until you pay it off. And that’s generally how this symbiotic relationship works: you get access to money you need even when you don’t personally have it, and the credit card company charges you for that access.

They also make a small percentage back from the vendors every time you use your credit card. But for the purposes of this discussion, let’s just focus on interest, for which the customer is responsible.

Here’s more on interest and how it can cause people to get stuck in cycles of debt:

• Dafuq Is Interest? And How Does It Work for the Forces of Darkness?
• Let’s End This Damaging Misconception About Credit Cards

But what if you could get access to the credit card company’s money for free? What if you could access that money and never have to pay for it? And what if, as a happy side effect, that kept you out of credit card debt?

Well then that would make you a deadbeat—someone who doesn’t pay interest on their credit card purchases. And while that sucks a tiny bit for the poor credit card companies (insert mournful violin solo here), it’s pretty fucking great for us deadbeats!

One weird trick to stay out of credit card debt

The one weird trick is, of course, avoiding paying interest on your credit card debt. Which, unless you pay an annual fee for your credit card, basically means you’re getting a loan FOR FREE. You’re accessing a revolving line of credit, courtesy of the credit card company, without paying them a dime.

To veteran credit card deadbeats this is business as usual. So let us speak, for the nonce, to those who have yet to master the art of deadbeatery. Follow the steps in this one weird trick, my aspiring deadbeats, and you too shall be hated by your credit card company!

Step 1: Pay off your credit card on time

The first step to pissing off your credit card company is to pay your bill on time.

Not only does this mean you won’t accrue further interest, but it’s also hella good for your credit! As you’ll recall from our highly detailed and delightful explainer on how credit works (which you’ve read by now, right? Right?), one important factor determining your credit score is your habit of paying bills on time. Your credit card bill is included in that calculation.

So find out when your monthly credit card payment is due, and plan to pay off your balance a day or two before that. If you’re bold, you can even schedule an automatic monthly payment. And while you can of course handle the bills through snail mail (millions of septuagenarians can’t be wrong), we strongly recommend handling this through your credit card company’s website. It’s easy, fast, and saves you a stamp.

You’ll be wresting interest straight out of the dastardly clutches of your credit card company!

Step 2: Pay off your credit card in full

The next step in avoiding credit card debt is to pay off that monthly bill in full. That means getting your credit card balance down to $0 each and every time your bill is due.

And that’s a little more complicated than simply scheduling your payments. Anyone with multiple thousands in credit card debt is currently no-shit-Sherlocking me to death. Paying off that card in full means you need to avoid spending more on your credit card than you can afford to pay off every month.

You can do this in a number of ways!

1. Some people only use their credit cards for emergencies while also keeping a robust emergency fund on hand.
2. Others pay off every purchase a day or two after they make it.
3. Some folks keep a militant budget and put only budgeted purchases on the credit card.
4. Some people keep their credit limit on their credit card well below what they can afford to pay off every billing cycle.

However you choose to do it, it takes careful planning and attention to avoid overspending on a credit card. So while I know “just pay it off in full!!!!” sounds like simple advice, know that in practice it can be a big challenge for some people.

And that’s it! That’s the one weird trick to avoid credit card debt and become a credit card deadbeat: Pay off your credit card bill in full and on time every time.

What if I can’t pay off my balance in full this month?

Worry not, aspiring deadbeat. For while you may not be what we like to call a Gold Star Deadbeat, we still welcome you into our ranks with open arms.

There are lots of reasons someone might overspend on a credit card in a given billing cycle! Credit card debt happens to the best of us! We ourselves recommend using your credit card as an emergency fund once you get to a certain level of financial stability.

Whether it’s because you lose your job and need help paying the bills, or because you tripped and broke your weenus (my nurse friend swears this is a real thing but I’m skeptical), or because you just made a few too many impulsive purchases, once you get into credit card debt your financial priority should be getting out of it.

That means trying like mad to get back on the path to deadbeatdom. You can catch up, but it takes discipline and a plan. To that end, we have a whole curated menu of debt-specific advice. Start here:

• { MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about How to Pay off Debt
• Kill Your Debt Faster With the Death by a Thousand Cuts Technique
• The Best Way To Pay off Credit Card Debt: From the Snowball To the Avalanche

Reap the rewards

Here’s the best thing about being a credit card deadbeat: you get to reap the rewards without paying for them.

For our fifth wedding anniversary, Bear and I went to Portugal for a week… for free.

You see, we have a Capital One Venture card. It’s a lovely little credit card that offers what they call “travel rewards points.” For every dollar I spend on the credit card, I get travel rewards points back. Then, when I make a travel purchase (airline tickets, a hotel stay, even a ride in a Lyft), I can use those points to erase the purchase from my credit card like it never happened.

So we saved up our travel rewards points for our big trip to Portugal. We put most of our normal household expenses on the card—groceries, gas, the ‘youze—along with any big purchases—a lawnmower, medical bills—so we could rack up points quickly. And the whole time, we carefully paid off those purchases on time and in full every billing cycle. We were deadbeating it up like pros.

We then bought our flights and booked our hotels on the credit card. Then we accessed our account through Capital One’s website and used the points to pay off the flights and hotels. Poof! Gone were the charges! It was like we’d gotten thousands of dollars worth of travel expenses for free.

The only thing we paid for in Portugal was delicious seafood and gallons of crisp green wine.

Capital One probably hates us… but I’ve never been more proud to be a deadbeat.

They were asking for it

“If it’s so easy to be a deadbeat and get rewarded for it, why do credit card companies even offer rewards?” An excellent question, my hypothetical friend!

You see, the dangers of credit card debt are well known and documented. Almost half of the American population has credit card debt. Nerdwallet reveals that a recent study put the total amount of American credit card debt at [gulp] $357.04 billion, with the average credit card debtor owing $6,006. So, people fucking know how damaging credit card debt can be. They’ve been struggling under it for years.

And while some people in credit card debt got there out of a few emergencies or bad decisions that snowballed out of control, I imagine others in credit card debt needed some cajoling. You see, potential new credit card customers have been warned. They’re understandably hesitant to get credit cards in a lot of cases.

Enter credit card rewards: an enticing way to sell a high-interest credit card to someone who might not be able to avoid paying interest.

We all go into credit card ownership planning to be deadbeats most of the time. But for some it can be a challenge. Credit card companies are counting on their juicy rewards to tempt the debt-averse into becoming indebted to them.

So let’s use their tactics against them. Let’s be credit card deadbeats. Strategically suck up all those rewards while avoiding interest and credit card debt.

Get something for nothing, all at the credit card companies’ expense! It’s the American financially independent way!

Are you a fellow credit card deadbeat? Gloat about it in the comments below!