One night, after I’d already been writing Bitches Get Riches for many years, I awoke in a cold sweat, gripped with the sudden realization that I had an incredibly comprehensive resignation checklist… but I’d never actually written it down.
It was the height of the post-pandemic “Great Resignation.” Millions of Americans were walking away from their jobs. And I’d been selfishly sitting on a list of ways to bleed said companies dry before peaceing out and driving off into the sunset.
I recognize that this constitutes a top ten anime betrayal.
許してくれ。
The thing is… I’d been daydreaming about leaving my job for years. These plans had been a part of me for so long that I kinda forgot they were plans at all. Like, I don’t necessarily notice my own breathing. Why would I notice something equally natural and reflexive: constructing elaborate fantasies about leaving corporate America forever?
Planning to quit ahead of time is a great advantage. Not everyone gets it. In most states, people can be fired suddenly, for no reason. Other people need to leave their job abruptly because of absolutely untenable issues like workplace safety or harassment. Those people do not have the luxury of planning a soft landing for themselves.
But if you’re planning to quit voluntarily, you can do what they cannot. You can be strategic. Y’know, like Light Yagami eating potato chips! And in doing so, you can extract a ton of value back from your employer and/or your government before you go.
I quit my job and retired forever in 2022. As my final date approached, I systematically went through this list myself. It saved me thousands of dollars. It also prevented a lot of logistical headaches for my future self. Which was important, because I wanted to set her up with a low stress post-job lifestyle. Listening to the hold music for the COBRA continuation assistance hotline was not on my retirement vision board!
This article was originally published upon my retirement. It jumped immediately into our top-ten most popular list, and has stayed there pretty much ever since. Now that we’ve branched into audio and video formats, I’m sharing it again, along with a few new ideas generated by our amazing Patrons and readers.
Please enjoy this, my ultimate resignation checklist…
