autonomy Archives • Bitches Get Riches

Hi, everyone!

Okay okay, that’s enough pleasantries. I’m worked up.

A while back, I read an article about queer teens being thrown out of their homes by unsupportive families. It had a lot of advice that sounded pretty good on the surface. Talk to your teachers and guidance counselors! Pursue legal emancipation! Seek therapy!

“Bah,” I scoffed through a mouthful of Babybel cheese. “Amateurs! Someone needs to write a real guide. Someone who actually knows what it’s like!”

And I was too busy playing with that weird red wax to remember I was exactly that person.

I left home when I was a junior in high school. The reasons were complicated and sad. Suffice to say I was driven to find physical and psychological safety I wasn’t getting at home.

Everything worked out for me. I got lucky and landed on my feet. Did I pick up a few psychological scars from the experience? Yes—but they added to my roguish charm! The thing is, I went into it completely blind. Which isn’t the best strategy. Sorta like throwing yourself down a mountain and hoping you learn to ski on the way down. (Also a thing I did once. How am I alive???)

In my experience, most of the advice for young people in this situation is insufficient—and a bunch of it is fucking delusional. Today’s article is a guide that I wish I could’ve read when I was a kid.

This is an updated, expanded version of an article we first published in 2019. I think it’s one of the most important things I’ve ever written, and it’s one of the most popular articles in the long and storied history of Bitches Get Riches. I’ve added a bunch of new stuff, including advice for older, stable folks who want to reach back down the ladder and help others climb up.

Today’s question is from a Patreon donor I’ll call Star who is getting kicked out of their home by their parents. It will include a lot of discussions about abusive parental relationships, so please be forewarned.

Star is in a Patreon tier that guarantees we will answer one question. We often do so privately, as the circumstances are often quite particular. But sometimes we post them publicly as articles if we think they would be helpful to others. That’s the case with today’s letter.

Hello! I just became a Patron. I’m currently in a situation where my family has been threatening to kick me out of the house. I just turned eighteen two weeks ago, so my adult legs are a bit wobbly. I’m trying to save up for a car, as that’s most important to me right now. My question is: Do you queen genius Bitches know if there’s any way I could get government assistance? Or any advice as to how I can move out from my abusive home on my own terms, but as soon as possible? Thank you in advance.

We’re so sorry you’re in this situation.

Eighteen has to be the most fraught age for the relationship between children and parents. It’s normal for once-loving family relationships to feel strained as you all struggle to adjust to the transformation from dependent child to independent adult.

But it is not normal for parents to hang the threat of homelessness and poverty over their teenage child’s head. I really wish you weren’t going through this, weren’t getting kicked out.

Piggy and I are here in your corner with you, Star. And so is every other BGR reader. We have a substantial population of Hip Mom™ readers, and I am hyper-aware of them right now, because I can feel their simmering rage at reading your letter. It’s warming my keyboard. Ow ow ow!

I hope you have a lot of people in your corner besides us, both because you deserve love and support, and because we’re dumbasses who will probably get plenty of this wrong.

But we’re going to do everything we can to help you regardless as you’re being kicked out. Let’s get into it.